A feeling of inadequacy and responsibility
by intenseanimeshipper
Summary: And so begins yet another terrible summary... This is kinda like a sequel to 'Tears' I guess, something happens and Lucy feels responsible. It's got a lot of feels so mentally steel yourself right now. It also mentions self-harm so if your particularly uncomfortable with things like that I would advise you not to read it, but if not go for it- broaden your horizons and whatnot.. :/


The feeling of inadequacy...

She felt the dull ache of dizziness, turning her head frantically as she sought out the all too familiar blade. She reached the draw in which one of her darkest secrets was held. Her fingers fluttered over the smooth surface of the metal- many would find it to be cold and unyielding but as she held in between her long fingers she couldn't help but find it oddly welcoming.

She sat on her bed as she drew lines across her peach skin. She looked down at her slender arm as her fingers swept the blade along, drawing blood as it went. Her skin that was once smooth and untainted now peppered with various nicks and scars. They started off small, uncertain but soon they became longer, deeper and more sure. She couldn't quite remember when it started and quite frankly, she didn't want to.

As the familiar dull throb began in her arm, hot salty tears fell from her petite features- mixing with the small pools of glistening scarlet forming on her arms.

Scarlet, what a funny thing to think of now.

Even in times like these she couldn't help thinking of her guildmates. Past and present...

When it happened they gave her space, knowing she would want some time alone. Gradually their worries grew. She stopped eating, coming to the guild, going on missions. Eventually they took missions for her, just to ensure the rent was paid and the old, never-eaten food that lay in her fridge was replaced. Erza tried getting her out of the house, Wendy and Mira too. None of it would work. Even Gray started becoming nervous. Soon many of her guildmates began to visit offering to accompany her and take her to the shops or have a girl's night. Levy brought new books each week and even Gajeel tried getting her out of bed saying something like 'He wouldn't have wanted this, Lucy'. He was serious and she knew all too well. She rarely spoke but when she did she made certain all knew that his name was never to be spoken. It had once brought her joy, reminding her of all her gave to her. Now all it brought her was pain, sadness and reminded her that a rather large space in her heart was gone- never to be filled again.

As the dull throb washed over her, unwelcome memories followed, like the foam that accompanies the waves.

She thought of him. Tan with a brilliant grin that took up almost all of his face, lighting up his eyes. How could she forget- his eyes. Beautiful onyx orbs always displaying his every emotion. She was always amazed by their ability to transform from childish and immature to an unwavering gaze that never failed to catch her attention and keep it.

She couldn't help but feel guilty. Responsible. He'd say she wasn't, if he were here. But he wasn't. No matter what people said she would not have been dissuaded.

She continued to reminisce. Feeling a mix of varying emotions. She'd remember his small habits. Like scrunching his nose up, or tilting his head in confusion, breaking into her house and eating her food. He was always coming into her apartment, sometimes he even wrapped his scarf around his head loudly whispering (who was she kidding, he shouted) "Nin nin!". He would always make her laugh or be there as a shoulder to cry on. Even though he would've said he didn't have a way with words, he always knew just what to say and how she felt- even when she didn't herself.

That might've been her favourite thing he did.

One thing she could rely on was his ability to sneak in. Despite her continuous denying it was fact. She loved it and she loved him. Everyone knew it, but they didn't.

Not until it was too late...

~~~~~~~\\*~0~*/~~~~~~~

She continued to cry sinking further down into the bed. She could still smell traces of him around, like firewood and smoke with hints of cinnamon and spice she could never quite name. Her eyes became clouded, black creeping into her vision as a warm light enveloped her she basked in its welcoming embrace.

Upon hearing a voice that she had become so accustomed to a long time ago, more tears sprung forth as she struggled to believe what her ears were so desperately trying to tell her.

She turned, only to see her favourite colour in a messy pin-salmon bundle on top of his head. "Wh- what?" She stuttered- her voice hoarse from lack of use.

"You're not stupid, Lucy. You know what's happening. I mean seriously, even I get that it aint normal to see dead people!"

She was shocked when the childish grin and tone she was expecting did not appear, but rather an underlying hint of annoyance or anger alongside a look of confusion an- was that disappointment?

"Come on Luce. It's time to go. I wish it wasn't, I mean it shouldn't be, but it is. Let's go..." He spoke the anger less evident, but subtle suggestions still present.

He held out his hand which she gladly accepted. Long calloused- yet soft- fingers brushed past her skin latching around hers. Fingers interlocking they rose, moving forward as she looked down at their conjoined hands. A smile appeared for the first time in what seemed like years. Blood seized its dripping, no longer trickling down nicks and scars- staining creamy skin.

Only when she raised her head did she realize his eyes were also on her. Feeling confident she spoke "I love you, Natsu."

Onyx gazed into chocolate brown as all emotions were bared. "I know, I love you too- weirdo."

Both headed forward confident in eachother's embrace and prepared to face anything. Together.

He should've known. He could protect her from every dark guild or enemy out there, but the one (possibly most dangerous) thing he would never be able to protect her from remained-

herself...

-~~~~~~~~\\*o*/~~~~~~~~-

 **A/N- I know the ending is cliché, but what can I say it had to end on a somewhat cheery note... :/**


End file.
